umarım iyisindi

umarım iyisindir

My heart as the mark—

You stand with the darts.
But the shot slips by,
A whisper lost in air,
And it's over,
Before it even start.

I said I’m fine,
But I walked that hill in the sun,
All alone.
Alighted in a city so far,
They’ll never know how to pity,
Not for me.
But who will see the brine
I’m drenched in?

I never cared,
You know that, everyone knew.
When life leaves the body,
It's for better, I always said.

But my heart sank
When the mourning song rang.
In your city, the plane crashed,
The death toll rushed,

With the god I never believed in, I pleaded—
I searched the list, like a freak,
All over, in the air, blood reeked.

And then I saw your name—
(Are you all right, dear?) 
But it wasn’t the one you told me.

(I already lost you once, again, I cannot bear) 
Still, I shook like a leaf on a peeple tree.

(I hope my fear isn't true, please be there)

I reached your door and knocked,
But I was forbidden—
It was locked,
Only for me.

But you had promised,  

"If the world was ending, you'd come over, right?
You'd come over and you'd stay the night
The sky'd be falling while I'd hold you tight
No, there wouldn't be a reason why
We would even have to say goodbye."

Guess that was all a lie. 

And it seemed like the world had ended,
Yet the sun still rose the next day,
As if nothing had changed,
As if grief could be so easily brushed away.
But inside, time stood still,
Frozen in the space where you once were.
And I wondered,
What’s left for me,
When the echoes of your absence
Are louder than the breath in my chest?